Friday, 16 January 2015

A Mothers Love

Last night my fifteen month old daughter stayed at her grandparents' house, ready for her fortnightly Friday play date with them. The fortnightly play dates became a regular thing a few months ago in order to enable me to prepare the house for the arrival of D2, and because Lara's grandparents think she is a lot of fun to spend the day with. Whilst I love the time to get things done, and have fond memories of quality time with my grandparents that I'm grateful Lara has the opportunity to create, I miss her like nothing else. However, this week I was counting down the days to have a day off, a me day, for the first time since becoming a Mum. I didn't let myself feel guilty for it, I figured 15 months of being a 100% doting Mum allowed me one day of not being always switched on-and ready to engage with another person.

This morning I woke up after a lovely sleep in (6am) and laid in bed for another hour which was bliss, yet when Mark and I got up and had breakfast together I confessed to missing our little girl and feeling lost, and that the house felt empty without her (so much for being desperate for a kid free day). At which point he said that he seriously missed her too, which isn't surprising since Mark and Lara have been spending quality Dad and daughter time together on the mornings when he doesn't go for a bike ride, and I get to fall back to sleep for an hour, after an hour of feeding (growing D2 is making me tired again). The fact that our little lady is rapidly developing her character and communication skills also means that she is an absolute joy to spend time with. She is constantly impressing me and making me laugh.

My kid free day was productive to say the least. I dead headed all the Agapanthus in my front and back garden, dead headed the Bird of Paradise and pulled out vines that were strangling my plants (all before heat stroke kicked in), I did countless loads of washing, and filled four garbage bags with things for charity. Somewhere in amongst all that I even sat my fat, lazy 31 weeks pregnant bum on the lounge to watch an hour of trashy TV whilst I enjoyed a berry and banana smoothie for lunch (its too hot for real food), followed by litres and litres of water. I had a rather successful day and was feeling rather proud of myself. Yet nothing compares to the feeling I get as I am moments away from picking up my daughter who I've missed like crazy (sometimes I have to remind myself that she isn't sleeping in her bed), or the adorable "Hi" with the biggest smile and baby elephant run that comes to me with open arms when Lara and I set eyes on each other. Cuddles with my baby girl are always special, but after a day apart they are magic, no doubt for the two of us.

Cleansing-things for charity.
After giving Lara dinner ( we shared her carrot sticks) and playing blocks together she started her routine of saying goodnight to our dogs and giving them kisses, so we got her ready for bed (yes, she calls her own bed time and helps put her sleeping bag on) and read one of her Peter Rabbit books, before we had lovely cuddles and kisses and I put her to bed..even though I was really tempted to keep her up for a little while longer just so we could spend time together. As she is growing up so quickly I find myself hoping that our unconditional love for each other and willingness to spend time together will only grow. I'm also wondering how things will change when D2 joins our play group in a few short weeks.

Lara and Baxter also missed each other today.

Not a day goes by when I don't think about how lucky I am to be a full time mum, but days like today make me really respect the strength of working mums, I would be a babbling mess if I had to leave Lara on a more regular basis. In my mind, there is nothing better than being a full time mum-probably because I have the best kid ever.

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